Diary of a Grumpy Dwarf
by Jerzy Devil
Summary: The Snow White story as told through one of the dwarf's diary. Complete!
1. 2 September

2 September 1825 

Today started out as most days. Up early and off to the mined with my brothers. After a long day of digging for ore, all I wanted was a hearty dinner and a long nap. Unfortunately, almost as soon as we arrived home, I sensed something was wrong. The door was ajar and someone had eaten our dinner. Unaware of what manner of man or beast lie within, we crept silently through the house and up the stair. When we reached the bedroom, we found a child stretched out across the beds. She was young, ten at the most, yet the stood at least a head taller than any of my brothers. She had skin as white as snow, blood-red lips, and hair as black as the night sky. She awoke as we drew near and told us some sob story about her evil stepmother, the Queen, trying to have her killed because she was jealous of the girl's beauty. I don't believe her story for a minute. My brothers, however, ate it up. Despite my protests that she be sent back from whence she came, the vote was stacked 6 to 1 against me and she is allowed to stay, at least temporarily. She is not staying for free, though. They listened to me about that. While she is here, she will have to do all the cooking, cleaning, mending, etc. It might be nice to have a clean house for once. 


	2. 5 September

5 September 1825 

She's been here three days and is really starting to get on my nerves. I can't find anything. She also makes us act like "gentlemen". That means we have to do things like wash for dinner, wear clean clothes everyday, and not slurp, gulp, or gnaw at dinner. Worst of all, she absolutely forbids us from walking around in our underwear. She claims it's "not proper in front of a lady." Proper my foot, it's my damn house. I'll walk around naked in naked if I want to!

My brothers are totally entranced by her. As soon as we get home they followed her around like a bunch of little lap dogs, doing whatever she says. Tripping over each other to answer her every beck and call. The fools.

Wilhelm keeps warning her of the Queen. He thinks she'll come after the girl and try to finish what she started. He worries about her when we are at the mines. They all worry, I don't. I'll be glad when she's gone


	3. 9 September

9 September 1825

I can't find my socks. I hate her. 


	4. 17 September

17 September 1825

Dare I say I'm actually getting used to having her around? The Queen made an attempt on her life today. We came home to find her cold and lifeless on the kitchen floor with a new corset laced up so tightly that it cut off all her circulation and prevented her breathing. We cut the laces and immediately her color improved and her breath returned. Even I let out a sigh of relief as she came back to life. She told us a woman came to the door with corsets and various other items for sale. The foolish girl opened the door for the old crone and bought a corset. The woman offered to lace her up properly and then proceeded to bind her so tightly that the girl fainted. If we hadn't come when we did, she would probably have died. Ludwig determined that it must have been the evil Queen in disguise. We go to work tomorrow leaving her with strict instructions not to open to door for anyone. 


	5. 23 September

23 September 1825

Now she has taken to calling us her "seven dwarfs." Can you believe it? She called me a dwarf! I'm not a dwarf; I'm anatomically compact. Not only that, she has given us all nicknames. Wilhelm is Doc, Ludwig is Happy, Jacob is Sleepy, Carl is Dopey, Friedrich is Sneezy, George is Bashful, and I am Grumpy. Grumpy! Just because I don't like her she insists I have a sullen nature. Forget what I said earlier about getting used to having her around. Will she ever leave?


	6. 28 September

28 September 1825

That girl is a blithering idiot! Once again the evil queen came to the door in disguise and, despite our numerous warnings, the girl opened the door and let her in. This time she was selling combs. She offered to comb the girl's hair and, of course, the girl allowed it. We came home again to find her cold and lifeless on the floor. Immediately after removing the comb she came back to life and told us what happened. 

If the queen doesn't finish her off, I might


	7. 14 October

14 October 1825

You know, despite all of my complaints I think I'm actually beginning to care for her. I'm getting used to this "gentlemen" thing and I've finally figured out where she's been putting my socks (Who keeps socks in a drawer anyway?). Though I still believe her to be a complete simpleton, her asinine comments I once found annoying are now quite amusing. I even find myself worrying about her while I am at the mines.


	8. 21 October

21 October 1825

Alas! The evil queen has made yet another attempt on Snow White's life and this time I'm afraid she is successful. Yesterday, we came home as we do every evening, and for a third time found her unconscious on the floor. We searched her for any means of poisons or anything that would cause her current state of oblivion. Nothing we did would bring her back to life. I am afraid she is dead. Even now I find it hard to write those words. I had finally begun to care for her now she is gone. And why? Because of some evil witch's jealousy. Even I shed a tear to two for her. What will we do now?


	9. 25 October

25 October 1825

Today we commissioned a local tradesman to build us a glass coffin. We briefly entertained the notion of burying her, but we could not bare it. Though she is three days dead, she is still as beautiful as before. 

I am afraid my brothers are not handling it as well as I. Carl is in the cabinet under the sink and refuses to come out. Jacob has not left his bed. Wilhelm spends endless hours in the library trying to find a cure. Friedrich is lying on the front lawn wearing nothing but boxers and hiking boots. George sits at the table where we put Snow White staring. Ludwig went off into the woods and no one has seen him in days.


	10. 28 October

28 October 1825

Nearly a week dead and she still looks as beautiful as when she was alive. The glass coffin arrived today. We put it on a pedestal in her favorite part of the woods and held a small funeral. Ludwig even returned from the woods to attend. George maintains his vigil out in the woods. He has even painted her name on the side of the coffin in gold letters. 

Now all that is left to do is try and get on with life as it was before she came into our lives. 


	11. 14 November

14 November 1825

Life has mostly returned to normal here at our cabin. Though there is still a sheet of sadness lying over the house and Carl seems ready to burst into tears at any moment. We all spend far more time at the mines than we previously did. The more time we spend out of the house, the easier it is to pretend it never happened. 


	12. 16 November

16 November 1825

Last night a prince came to our door and offered to buy Snow White. Can you believe it? What sort of monstrosity wants to buy a dead girl's corps? He begged and pleaded us to let him take it. He even offered us any sum of money we desired. We told him that we would not part with Snow White for all the riches in the world. 

Then, he said he couldn't live without her and would cherish and prize her as his dearest possession. He looked so pitiful that my brothers took pity on him and allowed him to take the girl. I only let her go because it thought it would be good for all of us if she weren't so close by. 


	13. 20 November

20 November 1825

It's such a glorious day! Today we got word that Snow White has woken up. After nearly a month in the grave she is now as full of life as she ever was. The prince who had pleaded so desperately for her was carrying her back to his kingdom and stumbled over a tree stump. The sudden lurch knocked a bit of poison apple from her throat. Not long after, she returned to life. The prince immediately proposed marriage and she accepted. 

The wedding will be held next week and we have all been invited to attend. We are all very excited to see our Snow White again. 

I can't help but wonder, though, what will happen after the wedding? She will go on and rule as Queen while we return to our humble lives in the forest. When her story is told in the history books, I wonder if they will even mention us, her seven dwarfs. They probably won't even remember our names. 


End file.
